SWD4: Battling Selachimorpha

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Friday, August 15, 2014

SWD4: Battling Selachimorpha

Sharks belong to the superorder1 Selachimorpha in the subclass Elasmobranchii in the class Chondrichthyes.  The Elasmobranchii also include rays and skates; the Chondrichthyes also include Chimaeras2.  It is currently thought that the sharks form a polyphyletic3 group: some sharks are more closely related to rays than they are to some other sharks.  There are than 470 species of sharks split across thirteen orders, including four orders of sharks that have gone extinct.

But screw that college learning crap, I want to talk about things beating the crap out of each other!

Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (2014)

  • Genre: Sci-Fi
  • Directed: Kevin O'Neill
  • Produced:
    • Julie Corman 
    • Roger Corman 
    • Lucho Llosa 
    • Lorena Reyes
  • Written: Matt Yamashita
  • Starring: Robert Carradine, Akari Endo, Tony Evangelista, Mario Arturo Hernández, Rib Hillis, Alan Nadal Piantini, Conan O'Brien, Hensy Pichardo, Katie Savoy, Hector Then, Andrew E. Tilles
  • Music: Cynthia Brown
  • Cinematography: Hernan Herrera
  • Editing: Vikram Kale
  • Studio: New Horizons Picture
  • Distributed: New Horizons Picture
  • Rated: NR
  • Release Date: 2 August 2014
  • Running Time: 84 minutes
  • Country: USA
  • Language: English

Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda is the sequel to the 2010 SyFy original monster film Sharktopus.  The film, produced by Roger Corman and starring Robert Carradine, premiered on August 2, 2014.  Other actors in the movie include Conan O'Brien, who makes his acting debut in a scene described as "truly violent, patently disgusting and darkly humorous".  The third installment in the Sharktopus series is supposed to be Sharktopus vs. Mermantula, starring a half-merman, half-tarantula.

After Andy Flynn destroyed the original Sharktopus (a half-shark half-octopus creature), it's various pieces floated back out into the ocean.  However, among the scattered anatomy was an egg sack and marine biologist Lorena finds herself the ward of the creature's sole offspring which she begins raising at her uncle's aquarium to mixed success.  Meanwhile, Dr. Rico Symes is hard at work on his own biological weapon.  After harvesting a Pterodactyl's DNA, he used the DNA from a barracuda to fill in the gaps, creating a monster that can terrorize land, sea, and air.  Things are looking pretty good during the initial test flight until the creature is hijacked by a rogue engineer, looking to sell it the highest bidder.  He probably would have gotten away with it if he didn't spill his coffee all over his console, but now the Pteracuda is free to rampage the coast in search of food.  Running out of options, Symes and his head bodyguard Hamm learn of the new Sharktopus' existence, and after fitting it with a neural remote to control its actions, pits the two fearsome fusions against each other in a battle to the death.

Needless to say, this movie is AWESOME!

Why are you doing this? You don’t need the money do you?

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014)

  • Genre: Action – Sci-Fi – Thriller
  • Directed: Emile Edwin Smith
  • Produced:
    • Paul Bales 
    • Kyle Hess 
    • David Michael Latt 
    • Michael Meilander 
    • Cody Peck 
    • David Rimawi
  • Written:
    • H. Perry Horton 
    • Jose Prendes
  • Starring: Christopher Judge, Elisabeth Röhm, Matt Lagan, Hannah Levien, Paul Anderson, Deborah Gibson, Fiona Hardingham, Emma Rose Maloney, Steve Hanks, Simon Barbaro, Marshall Dunn, Colin Flynn, David Salsa, Robert Sisko
  • Music: Isaac Sprintis
  • Cinematography: Alexander Yellen
  • Editing: Rob Pallatina
  • Studio: The Asylum
  • Distributed:
    • Albatros Film  
    • The Asylum  
    • Peacock Films
  • Rated: NR
  • Release Date: 28 January 2014
  • Running Time: 85 minutes
  • Country: USA
  • Language: English

Mega Shark Versus Mecha Shark is a monster/disaster film by The Asylum, released on DVD and Blu-ray Disc on January 28, 2014.  The sequel to Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus and Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus, it is directed by Emile Edwin Smith and stars Christopher Judge and Elisabeth Röhm, with Debbie Gibson reprising her role as Emma MacNeil from the first film.

While transporting an iceberg to Alexandria, Egypt another Mega-Shark becomes thawed, alive and dangerous.  The recently thawed creature is able to sling the tug boat through the air and knock off the head of the Sphinx 112+ miles away.  They managed to create a Mecha-Shark to combat the creature because Mark 48 torpedoes always miss the mark and come back to sink the launching ship.  Pony tailed Rosie is the pilot of the battery operated mechanical shark even though it has a computer that can do it.  They create a second mechanical shark just because.  After they tag the Mega-Shark with a GPS device, they still need Debbie Gibson to tell them where the shark is headed, because she adds a name to the DVD cover.  Eat your heart out Danny Trejo.  Rosie has an awkward flashback to a child that died, which really didn't work well in the film.

Asylum continues its Navy insignia guessing game.  In this film the admiral wore two "surface warfare specialist" breast pins on his lapels (no rank insignia) while a captain wears the breast pin on his shirt pocket (close but no cigar).

The ending of the film was a big "huh?"  Mild cheese factor.  Bad dialog, and they had a great opportunity with a talking computer.  The admiral knew someone who died on every boat, and made sure we knew too.  Not the best Asylum Mega film out there.  If you haven't seen the other ones, I would expect them to all be out soon on one DVD for $5.00.

FYI: I went to the same High school as Ms. Gibson



1.  a taxonomic rank used in the classification of organisms.  Other well-known ranks are life, domain, kingdom, phylum, class, family, genus, and species, with order fitting in between class and family.  An immediately higher rank, superorder, may be added directly above order, while suborder would be a lower rank.

2.  Chimaeras are cartilaginous fishes in the order Chimaeriformes, known informally as ghost sharks, ratfish (not to be confused with the rattails), spookfish (not to be confused with the true spookfish of the family Opisthoproctidae), or rabbitfishes (not to be confused with the true rabbitfishes of the family Siganidae).

3.  A polyphyletic (Greek for "of many races") group is one characterized by one or more homoplasies: character states which have converged or reverted so as to appear to be the same but which have not been inherited from common ancestors.  For example, the group consisting of warm-blooded animals is polyphyletic because it contains both mammals and birds, but the most recent common ancestor of mammals and birds was cold-blooded.  Warm-bloodedness evolved separately in the ancestors of mammals and the ancestors of birds.  Other examples of polyphyletic groups are protozoans and algae.

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