Hopefully you hear that in your head in the voice of Michael Westen of Burn Notice fame. I have two children that I inherited through marriage, a son who is nineteen and a daughter who is seventeen. “The Boy” has been horribly corrupted by my sense of humor and enjoys the same “quality” of horror and sci-fi movie as myself. “The Girl” not so much but bear with me for this is important.
At one time she was more than happy to watch Killer Klowns or Ring of Darkness or even Dementia 13 with her step-dad but those days have passed due by no small part by the onset of puberty and the realization that I may in fact be a big poopie head. If it’s black and white then it sucks. If it’s foreign then it sucks. If it was made before she was born, 1995, then it sucks. There are no remakes, every horror movie she sees is an original film and she has no idea what that crap from the 70s that dares to call itself Halloween or Prom Night or even Last House on The Left is trying to be since it is clearly not the superior version created by some dude who used to make music videos when music videos were even a thing. Please don’t judge her to harshly for I believe this line of thinking is common amongst what I will paraphrase from Linkara at Atop the Forth Wall as “Nineties Kids”. It is hard for me to judge when I spent my pre-teen years watching B-Movies with Doctor Shock on WPHL Channel 17 out of Philadelphia and then nothing but slashers were worth my time from fourteen to twenty-two.
Now all this is all background so you understand where I am coming from. She comes to me after a weekend with her friends and ask if I had seen the movies Sinister and Mama to which I reply no. She says “Good! Because they suck!” I ask why and she informs me that both films are just rehashes of other better films and boring. For a moment I am filled with pride with the idea she is maturing and ready to join me on the couch again in a Kaiju movie marathon but that feeling was short lived when she praised the merits of some other movie that I think is a horrible rip-off of something I think is better. My point is how bad does a film have to be when a teenager who thinks all seven or eight Saw movies are each fresh and innovative, thinks your film is a rip-off of other movies. No offense intended toward fans of the Saw franchise, I just think it’s the same movie over and over. Plus you tell me not to pay any attention to the man behind the curtain and expect me not to think something is up with that, vagueness intentionally used so as not to spoil it if you haven’t seen Saw?
I feel that movies and to the same extent music should not ever be disposable. The amount of work that goes into both should be considerable and never done half-assed. Film makers should always strive for a piece of immortal art. Let me give an example of something not run into the ground that has stood the test of time. Rosemary’s Baby is 45 years old this year and still one of the scariest films I have ever seen. I’m saying it has to have a $300 million budget, I’ve watched some things that were made for two grand and shot on five weekends on a rented camera that were awesome. Just don’t treat the medium like it doesn’t matter, these films will be viewed by people for years to come and wouldn’t you as a film maker rather be remembered as a top three finisher than just a also ran?
<<Soapbox mode disengaged>>